| As one of the biggest and most potentially | | | | so, failing to extend an invitation may be insulting. |
| stressful events of your life, getting engaged and | | | | Remember, these days friends and family are |
| subsequently planning a wedding brings with it an | | | | often spread all over the country, and people are |
| onslaught of questions. As times change and | | | | accustomed to traveling. On the other hand, if |
| weddings evolve, traditional rules of etiquette | | | | you haven't spoken in years, an invitation may |
| have followed suit, only adding to the confusion. | | | | look like no more than a request for a gift. In |
| To gain perspective, first understand that | | | | those cases, send a wedding announcement |
| "etiquette" is above all about treating people with | | | | instead, which carries no gift-giving obligation. |
| courtesy and making them feel comfortable. | | | | Gift-giving Etiquette: |
| When an etiquette question arises, consider the | | | | Yes, we all love to receive gifts, and weddings |
| feelings of those who will be affected. To steer | | | | are a perfect occasion for gift-giving. Friends and |
| you through the fog of questions, I've compiled a | | | | loved ones customarily honor the commitment of |
| quick look at the top five most common wedding | | | | the newly betrothed by showering them with |
| etiquette dilemmas: Family Etiquette, Invitation | | | | gifts. As the happy couple, just remember to |
| Etiquette, Gift Etiquette, Attire Etiquette and The | | | | always feel privileged-not entitled. So, let's review |
| Cash Bar Issue. | | | | a bit of etiquette as it relates to wedding gifts... |
| Family Etiquette: | | | | 1) Never mention gifts (gift choices or gift |
| Introducing Your Parents - | | | | registry) on the invitation. |
| If the bride and groom's parents have not met | | | | 2) Publicize your registry information by word of |
| prior to the engagement, tradition dictates that | | | | mouth. It's also acceptable to include it on a |
| the groom's family calls and introduces | | | | wedding website or shower invitation (since |
| themselves to the bride's family and arranges a | | | | showers are not typically hosted by the bride or |
| meeting. If the groom's parents do not make the | | | | groom) |
| first introduction, then the bride's parents should. | | | | 3) There is no polite way to ask for cash gifts. |
| Nowadays, who makes the first call is irrelevant; | | | | This can only be done through word of mouth. |
| all that really matters is that the parents meet. If | | | | 4) Honeymoon registries are appropriate. |
| meeting face to face is impossible, a letter or | | | | 5) Do not use any gifts until after a wedding. |
| phone call will suffice. | | | | 6) All gifts, even shower gifts, must be returned |
| Introducing Divorced Parents - | | | | if the wedding is cancelled or annulled before living |
| If the groom's parents are divorced, the parent | | | | together as a married couple. |
| with the closest relationship to the groom should | | | | 7) Gift giving for vow renewal, reaffirmation |
| take the first step in meeting the bride's parents. | | | | ceremonies or encore weddings is not mandatory, |
| If both sets are divorced, the parent closest to | | | | but is a nice gesture. |
| the groom should first contact the bride's | | | | 8) There is no special formula for determining the |
| suggested parent. If no one begins the | | | | appropriate amount a guest should spend on a |
| introduction process, the couple should step in and | | | | gift. The idea that each gift should cost as much |
| ensure that everyone meets, while refraining | | | | as one plate at the reception is an impractical |
| from forcing potentially awkward situations. | | | | misconception. |
| Your In-Laws - | | | | Attire Etiquette: |
| The groom's parents often feel left out of the | | | | While rules for modern wedding attire have |
| planning process. To avoid this, invite your future | | | | evolved with the times, there are still traditional |
| in-laws into the initial dialogue. You should | | | | standards for fabrics, lengths and styles. Here are |
| immediately inform them of your ideas regarding | | | | some guidelines: |
| location, date, size and style of the wedding. Take | | | | The formality of your bridesmaids' dresses should |
| queues on their desired level of involvement and | | | | match that of your wedding dress. Although |
| include them accordingly. Let them make offers | | | | traditionally the dresses were the same length as |
| to pitch in with finances or planning. Above all, | | | | the wedding gown, the rise in popularity of tea- |
| keep them informed throughout your | | | | and knee-length bridesmaids' dresses has relaxed |
| engagement. | | | | that rule. As long as the fabric and overall style |
| Invitation Etiquette: | | | | matches the formality of your floor-length gown, |
| Inviting partners and guests - | | | | shorter bridesmaids' dresses are perfectly |
| If an invited guest is married, engaged or living | | | | acceptable. |
| with a significant other, that partner must be | | | | For evening weddings, guests should dress for a |
| included in the invitation. A single invitation | | | | nice dinner or event - which includes suits (or |
| addressed to both individuals should be sent to | | | | black tie) for men and dresses or skirts in |
| spouses or couples who live together, while | | | | sophisticated colors and fabrics for women. |
| separate invitations should be sent to each | | | | Lengths can vary according to the style of the |
| member of an engaged or long term couple who | | | | event and location. Female guests may now wear |
| don't live together. Inviting single guests with a | | | | black, but never white. |
| date is a thoughtful gesture, but one that is not | | | | The Cash Bar Issue: |
| required. If you are inviting a single guest with a | | | | Yes, weddings are expensive. Yes, couples should |
| date, try to find out the name of your friend's | | | | be on the lookout for budget saving tips. Yes, |
| intended date and include that person's name on | | | | weddings are expensive - we know. But never - |
| the invitation. Otherwise, inner envelopes may | | | | under any circumstances - should you ever |
| include "And Guest," indicating that he or she may | | | | consider hosting a cash bar at your reception. |
| bring any chosen escort or friend. | | | | Think about it - you would never ask anyone to |
| Guests Who Ask to Bring a Guest - | | | | pay for a cocktail in your own home. People at |
| Your guests should know better! It is never | | | | your reception are still your guests, even if the |
| appropriate for a guest to ask to bring a date, | | | | event is not held in your house. That said, if a full |
| and you have every right to politely say no. | | | | bar is not within your budget, consider these |
| However, if you discover that a guest is engaged | | | | alternatives: |
| or living with a significant other, you should extend | | | | Host a soft bar, in which guests can order |
| a written or verbal invitation. | | | | champagne, beer and wine. |
| Invitations to out-of-town guests - | | | | Find a reception site that allows you to bring in |
| Many brides ponder whether or not it's | | | | your own alcohol; you will save serious cash, and |
| appropriate to invite long distance guests for | | | | anything unopened can be returned for a full |
| whom it may be impossible to attend. Use your | | | | refund. |
| best judgment. Is this person truly a close friend | | | | Cut down the size of your guest list - the only |
| who would want to attend your celebration? If | | | | significant way to reduce costs in the first place. |