| Did you hear the one about the groom that got | | | | the wedding, the honor can be quite costly. |
| so drunk the night before his wedding he passed | | | | "Bridesmaids need to realize that saying yes |
| out during the nuptials? | | | | carries responsibilities of time and resources," |
| What about the bride who deliberately chose ugly, | | | | Dunson said. "It's more than pictures and parties. |
| clingy sheath dresses for her overweight | | | | It's an expensive proposition." |
| bridesmaids just so she could look like a | | | | What if the bridesmaids aren't up to the |
| supermodel in comparison? | | | | challenge? |
| We've all heard wedding horror stories -- true | | | | "You do not want a pain in the butt on your |
| tales of etiquette faux pas and heinous manners. | | | | wedding day. There are enough details to take |
| But a classy, considerate bride does not indulge | | | | care of. You don't want someone uncooperative," |
| her ego, overlook her bridesmaids' feelings or | | | | Dunson said. |
| point out the poor taste of others, according to | | | | "The bride can ask her to step down, but doing |
| Gail Dunson, coauthor of "Bridezilla: True Tales | | | | so is usually a friendship breaker," she said. |
| From Etiquette Hell" and a certified protocol and | | | | When ousting a bothersome bridesmaid, be |
| etiquette consultant. | | | | honest, talk about your concerns, but don't |
| Dunson has heard hundreds of stories about | | | | blatantly ask her to step down, Dunson said. See |
| wedding guests gone awry, tacky gifts and | | | | what you can do to make her job easier, or give |
| friendships ruined by wedding disasters on the | | | | her the chance to bow out. If she can't spare the |
| Web site she manages with partner Jeanne | | | | necessary time and money, maybe she would be |
| Hamilton. | | | | better suited to simply coordinating a party or |
| "There are a lot of misguided people out there," | | | | being an usher. |
| Dunson said. "The only thing that matters is | | | | "You really have to be diplomatic if you want to |
| getting down to the end of the aisle and | | | | preserve the friendship," Dunson cautions. |
| exchanging vows. Everything else is superfluous." | | | | But, the biggest bridesmaid blunder isn't always on |
| CORRESPONDENCE CRIMES | | | | the bridesmaid's part. Sometimes the bride herself |
| Unoriginal thank you notes for wedding gifts is the | | | | is the one trampling on good taste. |
| most mentioned correspondence crime, Dunson | | | | Choosing dresses will be biggest decision the bride |
| said. | | | | and bridesmaids do together, Dunson said, and |
| "People buy tacky thank you notes and say, | | | | she has some tips for the bride before the big |
| 'Thanks for the gift. Love, Jane,' or go to services | | | | shopping trip. |
| on the Net that generate the thank-yous for | | | | "Do some preshopping, but don't get set on any |
| them," she said. | | | | ideas," she said. |
| So, mass-mailed acknowledgements of wedding | | | | Instead, let your attendants have a say in the |
| gifts are in poor taste, but what if the gift itself is | | | | outfits they have to wear. |
| tacky? | | | | "These are not Barbie dolls to dress up. These |
| "The bride writes the most creative thank-you | | | | are your friends. They need to look nice and be |
| note possible," Dunson said. | | | | comfortable," Dunson said. "It's not about the |
| After that, the bride can do anything she wants | | | | dress, it's about the friends." |
| with the present. Put it in a closet, smash it with a | | | | She suggests choosing outfits from the same |
| hammer in the backyard or give it to charity -- | | | | designer line so everyone can find a style they |
| just don't tell the gift-giver what happened to | | | | feel confident in -- a style that suits their body. |
| their thoughtful thingamajig, Dunson said. | | | | "If the bridesmaids look gorgeous, the bride is |
| Mentioning gifts in the invitation is another nuptial | | | | going to look gorgeous," Dunson said. "If the |
| no-no, Dunson said, which also includes sending | | | | bridesmaids don't look good, I guarantee tongues |
| registry cards, asking for money in lieu of gifts or | | | | are going to be wagging. The bride is the one who |
| any other presumption that a gift will be given. | | | | ends up looking ugly for her attitude." |
| "No one owes you a gift because you're getting | | | | RECEPTIONS GONE WRONG |
| married, and no one needs to be told where to | | | | "Please don't think the reception is a place to get |
| get you a gift," she said. "Get it out of your | | | | money from your guests," Dunson said. |
| pretty little head that you are owed gifts. People | | | | Receiving lines for guests to hand envelopes of |
| will give gifts because we will toss them into | | | | money to the groom, satin purses to collect cash |
| Etiquette Hell if they don't." | | | | for dances with the bride and cash bars are |
| "A registry is fine as long as you don't advertise | | | | traditions past their prime, Dunson said. |
| it," she clarified. "If people want to know where | | | | "To actively solicit money is just a heinous faux |
| the bride is registered, people will ask." | | | | pas," Dunson said. "Asking your guests to bring |
| "It's fine to put on the invitation, 'No gifts please.' | | | | out their wallets will certainly put a sour taste on |
| Anything other than that leads the guests to think | | | | their tongues. Guests are not paying customers. |
| something else," she said. | | | | They are guests." |
| BRIDESMAID BLUNDERS | | | | The cake smash is another tradition Dunson would |
| Because bridesmaid responsibilities generally include | | | | rather the bride and groom do without. |
| buying an outfit, planning the wedding shower, | | | | "We're not against fun," Dunson said. "We're just |
| getting a gift for the shower and finding a gift for | | | | against public displays of tacky. |