| At age 60 I was a contestant in a Ms.
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| | to sling around my hips; but an old dog
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| Senior America competition. I knew my
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| | leash worked out perfectly. A wig was
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| chances of winning were slim because
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| | easy to find. Wow, did I look great! I
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| among other deficits, I do not sing,
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| | thought when Cher is my age she should
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| dance, twirl a baton or recite poetry.
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| | look so good. The big day arrived and I
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| When I shared my shortcomings with the
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| | was ready. Incredibly untalented and
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| pageant director, she suggested I take
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| | tacky, but ready. I couldn't wait until
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| acting lessons to acquire some stage
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| | singer Tony Martin, the featured
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| presence. She said we would think of
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| | attraction, finished his gig and the
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| something that would qualify as talent.
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| | talent segment got under way. Lights!
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| So I signed up for acting lessons. Once a
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| | Camera! Action! As the music swelled, I
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| week for two hours I emoted with
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| | heard my name announced and I fearlessly
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| teen-agers, body builders, back¬up
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| | skipped out onto the stage and flung
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| singers, a variety of wannabe models,
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| | myself into my act. I lip-synced the
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| comedians and actors. All of them were
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| | words, danced, pranced, peeled off some
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| helpful and supportive of each other's
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| | of the junk jewelry, and tossed it to an
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| goals. I shared with the class that I
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| | appreciative audience. Whistles!
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| was a contestant in a beauty pageant but
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| | Applause! You could touch the energy! I
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| I didn't think I could pull it off
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| | knew immediately I had missed my life's
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| because I have no discernable talent. A
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| | work. No, I wasn't destined to be a
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| perky, overwhelmingly self-confident
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| | stripper just a wailing diva - if only I
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| classmate, a back up singer for a major
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| | could sing. But lack of vocal talent
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| recording artist suggested I lip sync to
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| | doesn't seem to be a deterrent anymore.
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| Cher's rendition of "if I Could Turn Back
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| | Some very successful super stars make
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| Time" which I had never heard. "You'll be
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| | their living screaming and writhing in
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| totally fabulous, hon," she assured me
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| | apparent agony. If they can do it I could
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| with an engaging Hollywood affectation.
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| | do it too. How did it turn out? I was
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| "Just get yourself a garter belt and some
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| | first runner up and convinced it was my
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| fishnet hose and you'll have it made." I
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| | talent that catapulted me to that lofty
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| had no idea what she was talking about
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| | position. Or was it? Alas, no talent
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| until I saw Cher's video in which she
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| | scouts hounded (or even approached) me.
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| sings and dances just about totally naked
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| | But so what. It was great fun. My husband
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| before a shipload of happy sailors. There
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| | was thrilled. He ran up on the stage, in
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| was no way I was going to prance around
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| | tears, and told me how proud he was. The
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| in next to nothing, but the song was
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| | purpose of this silly but true story is
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| catchy. I thought I could figure
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| | to encourage you to go for you 15 minutes
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| something out that would work. It took
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| | of fame. Who knows, yours may last longer
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| about 3 months to learn the words and the
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| | than 15 minutes -- much longer. You will
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| raucous, discordant (to my ears)
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| | never know what you are capable of
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| "melody." The next step was to
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| | accomplishing until you try. It doesn't
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| choreograph it, which I tried to do with
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| | have to be entertainment. Perhaps your
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| the help of a dance teacher. She knew
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| | goals are more lofty. You may be worthy
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| just the right moves to make, but I
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| | of recognition for a physical or
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| couldn't get them. I finally had to
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| | intellectual pursuit. Whatever your
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| create my own routine with my two left
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| | unfulfilled dream, do not allow it to lie
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| feet. Next challenge: What does one wear
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| | dormant any longer. Do what you have to
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| besides skin? I fashioned an outfit I
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| | do to bring it to life. I promise you,
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| felt would capture the essence of Cher
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| | you will be glad you did.
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| but would not land me in the pokey for
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| | Barbara Morris is a Pharmacist and author
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| indecent exposure. I made a pilgrimage to
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| | of Put Old on Hold. Visit her website at
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| a thrift shop and found most everything I
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| | sign up for her content-rich newsletter
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| needed: black leather shorts, a lace body
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| | and receive a complimentary copy of
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| suit and, junk jewelry. A trip to the
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| | "Thirteen Diva Tested Tips for Fabulous
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| mall produced fishnet hose and black
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| | Skin.
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| boots. It was a challenge to find chains
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