| When you are preparing to get married, you | | | | - Will we have kids? |
| have a lot of details to take care of. You | | | | |
| want to find the perfect dress. You want to | | | | - How many kids do we want? |
| find the perfect flowers. You think you've | | | | |
| already found the perfect spouse. But if you | | | | - Is mom wanting or planning to stay at home |
| want to have the perfect marriage, rather | | | | or work? |
| than the perfect recipe for divorce, make | | | | |
| sure you find something most couples neglect: | | | | - If she's staying home, what can we do early |
| the perfect marriage counselor. | | | | in our marriage to make that work |
| | | | financially? |
| Studies have shown that couples who invest in | | | | |
| quality pre-marriage counseling are more | | | | - What will we do about discipling children? |
| likely to avoid divorce. By quality, I don't | | | | |
| mean a one-time visit with your priest or | | | | - If either spouse is bringing children from |
| family friend. I mean you sit down and unpack | | | | a previous marriage in, how will we handle |
| issues that I promise will arise later in | | | | them? (and how will we handle ex-spouses?) |
| your marriage. | | | | |
| | | | - What are our feelings on religion? |
| The top four causes for divorce are money, | | | | |
| in-laws, religion, and children. When you sit | | | | - Do we want to go to church together? |
| down with your counselor, you need to unpack | | | | |
| these issues. You need to decide how you will | | | | - How big a part of our life is our religion? |
| approach each of these subjects. If you | | | | |
| (foolishly) decide to only address one, make | | | | - How will we celebrate religious occasions? |
| it money. Money is the biggest cause of | | | | |
| marriage fights and divorces in America. | | | | - Do we want to pray or read scriptures |
| Couples fight about money at all stages. When | | | | together? |
| you make sure that the two of you are on the | | | | |
| same page, you can avoid most of those | | | | - How close do we want to live to our |
| fights, thus ensuring a quality marriage. | | | | in-laws? (this answer may change after a year |
| | | | of marriage) |
| What type of things do you and your spouse | | | | |
| need to discuss? Some issues might include: | | | | - How do we want to handle holidays with |
| | | | extended families? |
| - How do we feel about debt? | | | | |
| | | | - Do we want to start our own traditions or |
| - How much debt are we comfortable with? | | | | go back to our parents? Which set of parents? |
| | | | |
| - What are our financial goals? | | | | These are not the least of the questions that |
| | | | you will need to address in your marriage, |
| - What is our starting-out budget? | | | | but they will give you a good start. These |
| | | | issues are far more important - and cause far |
| - What will we do about retirement savings? | | | | more tension - than toothpaste squeezing or |
| | | | toilet paper rolls. Address them before you |
| - What will we do about kids' college funding | | | | say your vows, and you will have a much |
| (assuming we have kids)? | | | | easier first year of marriage. |
| | | | |